FEELING THE PAIN OF LOSS : AS IT HAPPENS

Blogging is one of those things I tend to reserve for our Business. I know some people love to do full Posts whenever they take a fantastic Vacation - - or just to say how much they love their kids & favorite pets. I kinda figure I'd leave the personal stuff out of it for the most part - and just focus on all the happiness our Clients feel on their important days!! Our business is all about THEM, after all!

But, the other side of it for me? I've always found comfort in writing. I was an only child to a single mother & spent a lot of time alone...so, I loved to read & write...a lot! Even if no-one was ever going to see any of it, it just felt better to get life down on paper...back when we actually still WROTE on paper, that is! "-)

So, today - - I have a lot on my mind...and in my heart...I just want to write. Our daughter keeps asking me why I'm staring off into space...why I seem so sad...she knows what's coming, but I'm trying my best to make this a peaceful transition for her. Without Mommy totally losing it in front of her...

I know so many of us out there in this World find comfort in the unconditional love of their Pets. So sharing our story is something most people can relate to.

Right now, we're entering the last few days here with our beloved Alaskan Malamute. Niels named her, as he did her predecessor we had for 10 yrs before...her name? Larsen's Little Raider Nation (I KNOW!!! really). She goes by Nation.

Nation turns 9 on the 16th & I can't promise we'll make it to that day...which is why my brain is in the past...and in the present & so can't even comprehend the future...

We got Nation just 4 short months after losing our last Malamute. I was so heart-broken, I just could not continue without another fuzz-ball to love...and here she was!!!

But, within days of her joining our Family, she was having sleep-induced seizures. It was horrific to witness. I was missing work (back when I had a 9-5) after staying up with her all night - but, I didn't care. THIS was my BABY!!! Nothing was going to happen to her...it couldn't! We'd just lost our last Malamute after a full year of battling for his life - we could NOT lose our new Puppy!

After recovering from her seizures, we continued on in Puppy Class with high hopes of doing everything 'right' with this dog...she'd be social & obedient, walk gracefully on her leash & stay safely on command.

Until it happened. One night, watching Survivor to be exact, our Tween-Nation squealed out horrifically in pain as she was jumping up on the couch to cuddle & she fell to the ground - paralyzed from the neck down! We were mortified! We got her to UC Davis ASAP - where they examined her thoroughly over the weekend & determined she had neck inflammation - with no way of knowing why or how...it could be viral, could be an injury. They summed it up by saying 'if she was a person - we'd say she had Polio...'

So, began the journey of our goofy-footed, non-chewing her food, depth-perception challenged, overly-sensitive beast! Eventually, she grew big & strong enough to support her own weight - she could swing those big, front legs around in a silly half-circle to walk - but, she could WALK! We loved her for everything she was & have kept her under our watchful eye ever since!!

Fast forward to now. Now, we have our beautiful girl with failing rear hips. She can't get herself up & she can't be on pain meds. With whatever neuro issues she has - they just make her shut down. Her limbs become even more useless to her than they always have been. What's even more frustrating - she just underwent a huge ER surgery in Dec. for a twisted stomach (a risk to all large breeds - so, be aware of that one). This poor girl can't catch a break!

...I told the Vet on the phone this week that we've come to the realization that this is nearing the end - and have set our 'comfort level' at when she can no longer get herself down the stairs to potty...that I wish I had the strength to give her more - as I did when she was a pup - but, my body just can't lift 80+ lbs of solid muscle. She replied that we have given Nation so much already. Have we...? 9 yrs sure doesn't feel like enough. I just spoke to someone the other day with a 15 yr old dog...! Don't we have more time?

I am happy to say - her Life has been a pretty plush one. She lays on her chill-pad in her Cage...makes herself cozy on our couch or bed at will, with the house set to a comfortable 'Malamute' temperature, starving all day since mean 'ol Mom insists she eat a limited-diet as to keep her weight under control for those wobbly legs she relies on...the same ones that are now failing her in these final days...the same ones she refuses to get any exercise with because the motorcycles in our neighborhood scare her so horrifically...

So, it's with a very heavy heart & doing our best to keep the tears at bay, these last few days? I think we'll go ahead & let her get nice & FAT - - she deserves it!!! Chicken Soup + Frosty Paws for everyone!!! xo